Broken
by StrawberiPai
Summary: Severus has been chosen to bear Voldemorts child, but it is a ruse and he will be giving birth to Lupins instead. Will Snape be able to take the burden of his body being used against his will, yet again? MPREG, Slash, Agnst
1. September

**Broken**

Chapter One:

September

* * *

Snape had made a lot of mistakes, and he was well aware of that. His life was made up as one error after another. He joined the wrong side, found out too late, and now he was a spy, hated by the side he was on and lying to the side he was not. What was really ironic seemed to be that the side he was on treated him much worse than the side he was lying to. All of the fighters of 'good' seemed to treat him like something that came out of a rats back end. His cool attitude and sharp tongue was all that guarded him from the snide comments and cruel actions towards him from the very people he was helping. Yet on the side he was fighting against treated him like a hero, one of the closest to Voldemort, even above Lucius, who was a pure-blood.

Severus was contemplating this very fact as he waited in on of the Dark Lord's many rooms. He didn't know where he was, the Dark Mark had pulled him here like a Portkey. All he knew was that he'd been here before several times. Whenever Voldemort wanted to meet with him completely alone, Snape found himself in this dark room. If he'd thought that the Dark Lord actually slept, he'd believe that this was his bedroom. In the center of the back wall there was a bed, and two seats across the room. He hated being made to wait, and sat in one of the seats.

Voldemort purposely made people wait for him, Snape knew. It was an old trick, a way of establishing dominance. The potions master simply found it to be a tiring experience. There was no need for the Dark Lord to establish dominance, Severus already knew his place.

Finally Voldemort showed, appearing from nowhere with a loud crack right beside the other chair.

"Ssseveruss." He whispered in the snakelike voice of his. "I am glad you could join me."

Listening to Voldemort speak was not a pleasurable experience. He was less than human, his voice raspy and weak even though Voldemort himself was not weak in the least. His face overly expressive despite being inhuman and bare. Thankfully, Snape had grown used to his 'Lord'.

"I shall always at your beck and call, my Lord." Snape said. Even when pretending to be a faithful servant, his voice was blank and slightly snarky. It wasn't as if he pretended to be an entirely different person.

"I m glad to hear that, for I do have a tasssk for you." Voldemort said, sitting down in the opposite chair and folding his hands together.

"And pray tell?" Severus asked. If it where anyone else, the Dark Lord would have used a forbidden curse on anyone who addressed his so casually, but Snape was the exception.

"I require an heir."

There was a moment of silence as Severus considered the facts. Voldemort had always planned to live forever. Immortality would be his prize after he won the war, or so he claimed, and he offered the same to those who stayed beside him.

"An heir, my Lord?"

"A blood heir. I want you to help me in this." The Dark Lord finished, but Snape was still drawing a blank. "I need... a vessssel."

Snape kept his eyes firm on the man he had been plotting against for years. His head slightly bowed but eyes meeting.

"And I should find this vessel for you?"

"No." Voldemort replied. "You shall _be_ this vesssel for me."

There was a moment of intense surprise that made Severus's shoulders jolt, but he tried to keep his calm. Though his mind was mush, his master didn't seem to mind as he kept right on going.

"If anything where to go wrong _thisss_ time, I need a body I can ussse." he went on. "A body with my own blood."

"The body of a child, sir?"

"Thisss would be a... backup." Voldemort told him, his yellow eyes flashing.

"And a woman could not serve as a proper... vessel?" Snape asked, keeping his voice even. He may have favor above the others, but he would not directly question the Dark Lord's demands.

"No!" The creature said loudly in his rasp, coming to his feet. "It must be you, and it _will_ be you, Ssseverusss!"

Severus nearly jumped out of his skin hearing how angry Voldemort was acting. He kept his gaze stern and lifted his chin a bit more.

"You," Voldemort said strictly. "And none other."

* * *

Not long after, Snape sat in Dumbledore's office, his face grim as he recounted the facts to the headmaster. The old man sat perched at his desk, in a way that made Severus feel like just the schoolboy he once was. His mind was still wheeling from the surprise and slight fear, though he didn't let the headmaster see or hear that fear. No one was allowed to see any weakness in him.

"And that's all?" Dumbledore asked. Snape's eyes fell a bit and he took a breath.

Dumbledore was treating this all like a routine meeting after dealing with the Death Eaters. As if this had no real meeting whatsoever. Snape felt his heart fall, already seeing where this was leading. He didn't expect any different, but part of him had hoped Dumbledore would at least _consider_ an alternative.

"Yes, sir." He said, feeling he was referring to too many men as 'sir' for a person his age. "It was a direct order, and if I deny him, I will most likely be labeled a traitor, whether they find out I am not merely masquerading as a spy for dark or not."

The headmaster leaned forward onto the table and rubbed his forehead with his index finger and thumb. He looked partially concerned, which made Severus feel slightly better, though not much. He was more likely concerned about this news interfering with the flow of information, not the health and safety for a spy.

"And Voldemort... How does he plan to inseminate you?" he asked. "Not through traditional methods, I would hope?"

"A spell. Tomorrow at midnight." Snape told him. "It is called _Ferilious partonous_. The caster becomes the father of an unborn child inside of me."

"Do you know anything more about this curse?"

"I have been studying up on it since he informed me." Severus said, not correcting the headmaster that it was a _spell_, not a curse.

"Than I have a question." Dumbledore started, leaning back again. "Is it possible to change the spell, so the child is not Voldemort's blood?"

Snape nodded. In fact, that had been the first thing he looked up after he found out that the spell was binding. The child could not be expelled from the parent, male or female parent alike. Not until the birth, obviously.

"A re-casting of the spell within the first month." Snape said. "And the new caster would become the parent."

Dumbledore nodded and looked at Severus expectantly.

"So the child does not have to be of Voldemort's blood! If I understand correctly, if the child is not his by lineage..."

"The Dark Lord would not be able to take possession of the body. Or at least not as easily."

"You will have to carry a child if we are to keep retaining information, Severus. You do understand.." he headmaster said slowly. Snape did not look up. He was not going to be given a choice, that was already obvious.

"I understand, sir." he said, not letting his voice reflect any emotion.

"I will chose a father for the child, from the side of light." the headmaster told him. "The pregnancy will buy us some time, and now we know that Voldemort's second plans will be in vain. When the time comes for a birthing... Hopefully he will already be defeated, and we will find parents for the child."

Snape was biting the flesh on his inner cheeks to keep his anger from flooding every bone in his body. He was going to be used, once again. As usual no one considered him in all of this, from either side. Even though Voldemort and Dumbledore where completely opposite from each other, they both had one thing they had in common: the way they treated him. No choices, no alternatives.

"In a way, this could be a blessing." Dumbledore told him, his voice uncannily bright for Severus' mode. "If Voldemort believes you are carrying his child, he will not harm you."

Severus nodded, but did not say a word. Not that it would have mattered. Dumbledore decided how he wanted to do things, and Snape was expected to carry out these orders without question. And to top it off, he was supposed to be grateful for the privilege. Snape silently reprimanded himself for thinking that. He should be grateful to Dumbledore. If it weren't for him, he would most likely be rotting in Azkaban right now.

"Immediately after the conception tomorrow, I want you to go straight to your chambers. I will meet you there along with a donor." Dumbledore told him specifically. "I do not want Voldemort's kin inside of you for a moment longer than necessary, do you understand? This is important."

"Yes sir." Snape said, truly meaning it. He did not want such a thing inside of him either. But he doubted changing the child's lineage would make him any less disgusted.

But whether it was Voldemort's child or some other random man, Snape knew that he would not enjoy the experience of being used the way they were planning.

He was excused from the room after that with a nod from the headmasters head, relieved that he could now go take a shower and sleep. He still held the musty scent of Voldemort on his robes. But at the door, he paused. Dumbledore looked upwards, curiously. Severus was known to be a man of few words. With the headmaster, Snape rarely spoke at all. It was actually a component of the potions master that bewildered the headmaster to no end.

"Sir..." Snape started, and then shook his head and continued out, leaving an empty corridor behind him.

Dumbledore shook his head, wondering what of the many choices Snape would have said, but none of them suited the inscrutable man. Something still bothered him... Why had Voldemort picked Snape?

* * *

After his shower Snape set down to rest in his bedroom in the dungeons, but he was only fooling himself. He knew he was to get no rest that night. He tried to block out his thoughts, the only reason he'd been able to live with himself so far in life, but it was too much to block out.

So he read. That was all he could think to do. He picked up one of his potion books and began taking notes in the margarine, a habit that stuck with him since preschool. He hadn't read the actual book for a long time, he had the potions all memorized, but he had made them better through experimentation and he assumed that if he ever wanted anyone to recreate anything half-decently he should keep a record.

But even that did not occupy his mind long enough, and his hands began to shake as thoughts occurred to him one after the other. Who would the father be if not Voldemort? He prayed it wouldn't be Sirius – Or even worse someone like Potter! That seemed like something only Dumbledore would think up. And yet Severus knew it shouldn't matter. It wasn't as if he was ever going to even look at the thing. Just carry it.

He shouldn't have been so surprised when Voldemort informed him that he'd be carrying an heir. Obviously surprising because he was male, but when he thought of the previous weeks it made some things fall together a bit better. The Dark Lord had never had a mandatory check-up before, and he'd been asking odd questions lately about Sevrous' diet. Severus had shrugged it off before he became paranoid, though that was the next step. He had no idea why the Dark Lord seemed so concerned with any Death Eater's well-being, let alone Snape's. Now it made much more sense.

Without finishing the sentence he was writing, Severus closed his book and leaned backwards, trapped in his own thoughts and unable to consentrate on any potion. He was physically and mentally exhausted to the point where he couldn't even try to sleep, and yet his first class was in only four hours.

Snape had no idea how he managed to get through his classes. Six hours of impatient hell. He could tell by the terrified look his students gave, including the Slytherins, that his remarks were much more biting than usual. When the Nevell boy looked like he was going to cry he finally decided to take a break from students and take his dinner in his bedroom. He needed to prepare himself, physically and mentally, for later that night.

Once Snape was in the safety of his room, he cast a silence spell on his door. He didn't want any 'worried' teachers knocking at the door. It was his experience that any worry the teachers ever felt towards him was the worry that they might not have the latest gossip. He laid down on his back, staring up at the ceiling for a few minutes, before he felt the familiar burning he knew would come. His arm. Damned annoying, really. No point for it to burn so badly. With a heavy sigh he managed to pull himself to his feet, dreading what was about to happen.

He had to leave the grounds to apperiate to were Voldemort and the others where. The scar led him, as always, and he had no idea where he would end up. When he opened his eyes, he found that he was on top of an empty hill, or mostly empty. A circle of death eaters with familiar white masks surrounded him from all sides, the darkness making their eyes black holes. The moon was waning and only a small portion was still showing, making it harder to see than usual and snuffing out any colors. Severus looked around his suspiciously, but nothing seemed too out of the ordinary besides the fact that he was in the center of the circle, and the Dark Lord was not present.

Very slowly, the Death Eaters started backing away. Severus recognized this as some sort of ritual, and wondered why the Dark Lord seemed to be thrilled on the theatrics. It was unnecessary for anyone else to be here for this. But as the circle grew larger and the masks became even more vague in appearance, the slit-nosed man apperiated in front of him. Snape did not step back, and forced his heartbeat to stay steady. He would not be taken in by all of this, and he would have the Dark Lord know it.

"Sssseverusss...." Voldemort started, tilting his head as he spoke. "Right on time I sssee..."

"Yes, sir." Snape replied. He was having trouble not rolling his eyes. "Might I ask why there must be an audience for the occasion?"

"The othersss will watch." the taller of the two replied, and gave no further indication as to _why. _"Let uss begin."

Severus didn't really need to do anything. The spell was underhanded and cheap, a trick that men would use to contrive wives. Forcing a child onto another, binding them. Voldemort only had to say the word...

"_Ferilious partonous!_"

And there it was. Snape doubled over in pain, feeling a pulsating through his entire body. A second of pure torture, another of relief, and then more torture. Keeping his dignity in the process was Snape's only concern, and that wasn't going very well as the blank masks seemed to be mocking his pain. One hand clutched his middle, the point where the pulsating started before in spread to the rest of his frail body, and he used to other to at least keep himself from falling completely to the ground.

"Good..." Voldemort cooed above him, making Snape want to shove the blasting end of a certain animal in his ears. "Very good. You're doing well Sseverusss, not even a scream. Most would have screamed by now, you understand..."

Snape _did_ understand, all too well. The erg to scream was nearly damn well overpowering. To cry, to jump off a cliff even, wouldn't have seemed crazy at the moment. Waves of pain still rushing over him every few seconds, Severus couldn't be sure if it would ever end.

When it finally did end, and Severus was left without any strength or energy, not even enough to lift his light body off the ground, Voldemort stepped towards him.

"You have proven much to me tonight..." he said. "... From now on, we will be very clossse, you and I..."

With that, the Dark Lord must have signaled for one of the masked men to lift him, because that is just what had happened. One of his arms was moved, to make the process easier, and he just barely heard a whisper.

"Bloody hell, Snape. Why would you agree to this?" whispered the Malfoy behind the mask. Severus smirked but said nothing to the childhood friend. Lucius knew well and good that there was no 'agreeing' with Voldemort. Only obeying.

Lucius apperiated into a house, Severus didn't know whom it belonged to exactly, and a bed was placed under what was now a very limp, powerless body of the potions master. He ached in ways he'd never felt before. His inner workings where tired. He could barely feel his legs as Lucius gingerly flourished a blanket over his comrade. Now that they were indoors, away from the Dark Lords presence, they could have spoke. However, Severus was too tired to do so.

"You can rest here, but you need to hurry." Lucius said. Snape would have corrected him on the absurdity of the sentence if he had the energy. "It's nearly dawn."

Dawn? Snape couldn't believe it. How long had the pains lasted? He couldn't ask as his eyes closed against his will. He would have to hurry and get to Hogwarts soon, but he would wait until he could feel his extremities before he'd try. His mind went blank, if only for a few minutes.

'A few minutes' quickly turned to an hour, but after that Lucius was forced to wake up the sleeping man, who looked like he'd like nothing better than to sleep for the rest of eternity, even if said sleep had been unrestful at best, and downright torture at worst. The Malfoy father thought it would be best not to tell Severus that he'd screamed in his sleep, seeing as the man had worked so hard not to do so during the actual ceremony. Lucius felt for him, but it would be an understatement to say the dark side would be inconvenienced if Snape didn't get to school at least before his first class. As Severus very quickly and very quietly apperiated away, Lucius reminded himself to note Draco later, to see how the potions master fared in class.

Severus couldn't have been more agitated. No, agitated wasn't even the right word for it. His bones ached, his inner workings barely kept themselves in order, and he could scarcely walk proper. That spell had been as bad as the Crucio with three times an aftereffect. At least once the forbidden curse was finished, there was nothing left but a few scrapes and bruises and a lack of sanity if used properly, not a fetus. Barely able to stand, he refused to swallow his pride and as gracefully as he could manage apperiated himself as close to the castle as possible, not wanting the head of Malfoy manor to have another humiliating story to add to his collection on the potions master (most from their school days, of course).

After that, the teacher was able to hobble to the dungeons with a fair amount of trouble and pain, grasping his torso with one arm and using the other to lean against the strong stone walls with. Thankfully the sparse students who were awake at this hour were enjoying their breakfast, and Severus was able to get through the castle, quite nearly collapse down the stairs, make it through the potions classroom (he made a note to blame Neville for the few glass beakers he toppled into, if he didn't get to them before class), and into his own bedroom.

His body and mind too weak and tired to do much else, Severus had his eyes closed before he even landed in the bed. Thoughts of revenge came and went through his sleepy mind. Voldemort, Dumbledore, and even Potter, who had not much to do with any of this, all were participates in his fantasies. However, they did not last long as he finally manged to turn onto his back, find a position that did not cause too much pain, and drift off again. The fact that his first class was in less than an hour did not even stir his bones.

* * *

When he awoke a second time, Severus Snape felt a presence. He couldn't say who (though he could wager a guess, precious few people would enter his living quarters without permission), but he knew that someone was on their way in. When he tried to lift his body a pain shot through his abdomen and down his spine; which caused him to slam his body back down involuntarily. Just as he was repressing a pained grunt, his door opened without a knock or call.

"I'm glad to see you are well." Snape growled. Dumbledore. Great. Bloody perfect. "You've been sleeping for the entire day, Severus. We had to cancel your classes."

Snape didn't want to respond, he knew it would hurt, but a lot of him was afraid not to.

"So sorry, sir." he said in his snarky, insincere way that Snape barely ever used on the headmaster. He was right, it did hurt to speak, and though he tried not to show it he knew Dumbledore could tell.

"Madam Pomfrey could be here in moments if you need her. I hadn't called her yet." Dumbledore replied to the pain, but Snape shook his head sharply. "I had assumed not."

Severus tried not to moan as he lifted himself up, more slowly this time. He was able to get his feet over the bed without so much as a groan, though he was holding much inside. Dumbledore offered a hand, but he did not take it. He would rather stay sitting than appear as though he _needed _the help.

"You didn't tell me the spell would put such a strain on you..." the headmaster's eyes twinkled with sympathy. Snape didn't want it and brushed it away.

"It wouldn't have made much of a difference, would it?"

Dumbledore sighed and nodded. Severus was right, it had to be done. There were certain sacrifices that the side of light had to make, the headmaster just wished that most of them hadn't fallen on the potions master. He looked away as nonchalantly as he could muster.

"We have to discuss..." he started. Snape looked up. "You have been sleeping for nine hours, the ceremony must have taken place at least ten hours ago, and the child will be Voldemort's unless--"

"I understand." Severus interrupted sharply. "Let's just get it over with, shall we?"

The potions master wasn't looking forward to this, the pain would be just as bad, he assumed. He was also not looking forward to the answer to his next question.

"And who did you decide would parent this parasite?" he asked, his voice filled with venom and spite. Dumbledore's mood lightened considerably.

"Oh yes! This _is_ good news." he said. Snape doubted that, but let the old coot continue. "It turns out there is a couple our side, they would love to conceive a child but have thus far been unsuccessful."

Rolling his eyes, Snape forced himself to stand, using his side table as a crutch.

"That means little to me. Names." he said shortly. He was lucky that he was in such obvious pain, or his rudeness would have been noted multiple times over by this point.

"Remus Lupin and... Sirius Bla--"

"Over my dead body!" Severus immediately spat. If his tone had been venomous before, now it was akin to a death drought. The pain was excruciating as he felt the need to yell out the sentence, something his body had not been ready or willing to do.

Dumbledore sighed, he had assumed this. Anyone would have.

"It is your only option, Severus. You don't have a choice." he said calmly.

Those words seemed to take all of the air out of Severus very quickly. No, he never did, did he? He growled to himself, and promised he wouldn't go down without a fight.

"That animal is not having anything from me, and I'm _not_ talking about the werewolf!" he snapped. "I believe I've agreed to enough mutilation of my body without carrying _his _brat inside myself."

"We thought you'd say that, and have decided that under these circumstances, Remus would make an excellent biological father." Dumbledore informed the raging professor. Snape cocked an eyebrow, still not at all calm.

"You expect me to believe they would let this thing have a chance to be a werewolf. You shouldn't trust them with it, than." he said simply. Dumbledore could see that Severus was very out of breath and health, his face far paler than usual, and he was sweating from being in so much anger and pain. If it weren't for this, he doubted he would have been able to get the professor to consent. Now, however, he might be able to.

"That was the agreement we made. Remus understands your hatred for Sirius, but he has never done anything towards you to warrant the denial of a child." the headmaster told him, all of which was true. They all had known Snape would never agree to carry a child with Sirius Black's bloodline. "The chance that the baby becomes a werewolf is one they are willing to take, for your comfort."

Snape nearly had an ulcer hearing that joke. He was having a hard time standing, his body wanting to rest and recover from the mornings affair. Snape wished he'd known how much the spell would take out of him beforehand, so he could have prepared a potion for the occasion. A restorative potion was in his study, but that was too far for him to imagine walking at the moment.

"Yes, because everyone has considered my comfort thus far..." he mumbled. The world was starting to spin and his words were merging together a bit. He had to lean his side the wall, a most undignified position which he would rather not have been seen in, but the headmaster didn't seem to notice past the subject at hand.

"The facts are, Severus, that we have no time and only one option. I would hope that you would rather have a werewolf for a child than one that could potentially house Voldemort's soul." Dumbledore finished, nailing the lid to the coffin. Snape knew he could not refuse. Bringing up Voldemort was all the headmaster had to do, to remind Severus of the dept which was owed.

"Fine." Snape finally consented, his weakness making it easier for the older man. He couldn't think straight, let alone argue his point thoroughly enough to convince anyone. "I'll carry the werewolf's damned cub, but that man is to have _nothing_ to do with it. No tricks, Albus..."

Dumbledore looked up with a perplexed expression, trying to remember ever 'tricking' Severus and failing to recall. He hoped it was just an effect of the pain and exhaustion.

"I swear a wizards oath that Sirius will in no way physically assault your person." he said, trying to word it the least insulting way possible. That didn't seem to matter, as the potions master was barely holding in the screams of pain. "I will be back in a few hours to cast the spell a second time, with Remus. Is there anything you need?"

On any normal occasion, Snape would have politely said no. On any other occasion where he was as angry as he was at the moment, he would have told Albus to shove his sympathy right up his arse. But this occasion was humbling him with each wave of pain and he was sure he wouldn't make it without the potion. He felt his body convulse slightly and sat back down on the bed.

"My desk in my study." he abruptly told Albus. "A restorative drought, in the top drawer."

Dumbledore didn't seem to mind the abrupt nature of the orders, and fetched the potion without complaint. Even when Severus did not thank him or make eye contact before he left the room, he was still smiling slightly, which made the potions master nearly vomit. Of course he was smiling, Severus thought, he got his way.

Once the headmaster was gone, Snape swilled the drought and lay back down slowly, trying not to disturb whatever was causing the pains. When he didn't manage to fall asleep again, the pain hit him harder than before. The worse was knowing that this would all repeat in an hour, when he'd go through all of it again.

* * *

Although the next few hours were painfully slow, it also seemed all too soon that Severus had to pull himself away from the comfort of his bed to try to clean himself up. Even though Snape was much more proud than vain, and would refuse to admit that he didn't want to be seen around others looking a mess, he still went to his bathrooms to try to fix the mess that the spell had made him. First, he thought, not even glancing at the mirror, he needed a shower. His body was moist with cold sweat, which had accumulated in the hours of unbearable pain. Everything, from his hair to his feet, felt wet and disgusting.

He managed to get off his robes fairly easily, and was glad that he'd only worn simple trousers underneath, and no blouse as he normally would have. He was a modest man, but it was summer and so he hadn't felt the need to wear a button-down shirt. This was a blessing, as his fingers where much too shaky and uncoordinated at the moment to do much more than turn the knob of the shower dials. The water began and Snape removed what clothes he had, stepping into the spray. It hurt. He couldn't even believe it, but it did. Over his entire torso, it felt like a smack with each drop of water. He gasped and wrapped his arms around his stomach, the most offensive on the pain, and turned his back to the water. That was a bit better, and he was able to get himself clean, to a point. He didn't wash his hair as he normally would, not that there was much of a point anyway, as everyone in the school knew that his hair was useless and greasy. He was somehow able to wash with soap, even though it hurt badly to move his arms away from his stomach for even a moment.

When he finished the shower he brushed his hair quickly with is fingers, avoided the mirror again, and looked down at his robe on the ground. Normally, he would not have stood for a mess, and would have picked his clothing up, but he was in extreme pain and bending over did _not_ seem like a good idea, so he stepped over the fallen parcels and went straight to his closet, removing a fresh robe and a pair of boxers. He barely got these two on, and decided that the trousers would have to be left. Most wizards didn't wear muggle clothes under their robes, anyway. Most certainly none of the other teachers. Serverus was the only one who worried about things like being hung upside-down and having the whole world see his undergarments. He growled, the idea of carrying around a child that would go to _that man,_ the one who provided so many hours of torture, made him want to tear himself apart.

Deciding there wasn't much more that he could do to fix himself, he looked over at the mirror for a fraction of a second, seeing what he always saw. Same greasy hair, same large nose, same disgusting body, and a feeble attempt to hide it under lose robes did nothing. At least he was thin. He took a deep breath, pushed his hair behind his ears, and laid back down. Dumbledore would come soon, and Snape had just used up all the energy he'd retained from his napping. He smiled when he realized the pain had let up a tiny bit, but then realized the spell would be recast in an hour and it would all come back.

Damn that Sirius Black.

Two hours, thankfully, passed where Severus's body gained a bit of respite. His laying down helped a great deal, now. Even the idea of moving still caused him great pains, but if he laid completely still he could almost forget the rushes of anguish he would feel when he did move. Then there was a knock, which surprised the hell out of Snape. He slowly, painfully sat up, not making a sound. Another knock came as Severus grabbed the edge of a nearby table and used it to lift himself, not having to worry about anyone seeing how pathetic that was. A third knock, and the potions master was almost at the door. Halfway through yet another knocking he wrenched the door open with a glare.

"That's enough." he said darkly to the beaming man across from him. Dumbledore just kept smiling.

"It's quite impressive you did not just call me in. The drought must have helped?" he presumed. Snape shook his head.

"The drought did nothing but give me enough energy to keep breathing." Snape said, quite honestly. "The changes in my body are causing the pains, and nothing will help until we get the spell over with a second time."

Dumbledore nodded to this subtle hint and stepped aside to let the potions master through. He had decided it would be best to conduct the spell in one of the empty rooms. Severus would not have appreciated anyone else in his bedroom (as he already clearly did not appreciate the headmaster there).. He led the way, and Snape followed, putting on a tough face and not letting Dumbledore see how much pain he was currently in. Snape considered it a blessing that he could walk at all, and was pleasantly surprised that the shower seemed to have given him much of his strength back.

The headmaster stepped into a large, almost empty stone room on the next floor, and then to the side to let Severus pass. There were already two other in the large dank room. Snape's eyes instantly locked with Sirius Black, who was leaning nonchalantly against one of the cold stone walls, glaring right back. The hatred was almost tangible, and so thick that it took Snape a moment to look over at the other man. He didn't know Lupin

quite as personally. He know him as 'the werewolf' who had always been paling around with his tormentors, even if he never did so himself. Snape was not anymore eager to had his seed inside of him than Sirius', but it was a step up. Remus was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, several feet from his partner. He smiled when Snape walked in, which the potions master found off-putting at best. Not many people smiled towards him, and if they did it was usually a bad sign.

"Severus... Hello." he said, sounding just as awkward as he looked. Snape nodded but did not verbally respond, not even stepping any further into the room. He refused to look afraid of Black, but at the same time he and Dumbledore both knew how weak he currently was, and Dumbledore was not one to care whether something was meant to be private or not.

Silence rang for several moments, before the headmaster clapped his hands together joyously.

"Right then, we should begin as quickly as possible, shall we?" he asked, attempting to calm the room.

Severus turned his head only slightly in the direction of the speaking man, not wanting Black out of his eyesight. Sirius must have noticed this, because he smirked and pushed himself from the stone wall.

"What's the matter, Snivilous?" his voice dripping with condescending tones. Remus turned his head quickly in the direction of his mate, which did nothing. "Are you feeling ill? Morning sickness, maybe?"

The air grew even thicker and Severus' eyes narrowed at the cruel, sarcastic man. He expected this. Actually, he expected much worse, but that didn't mean he was about to take it.

"And what about you, Black? How does it feel to leave one dungeon for another? I'm surprised they even let you out, considering how much trouble you cause for the order whenever you try..." he refused to break eye contact, even when Sirius' face turned red with anger. "Tell me, how does it feel to have people coming and leaving your home who are actually making a difference in this war?"

Sirius growled, but was interrupted by Remus.

"Severus, I wanted thank you." he said quickly. Snape blinked but Remus continued without much hesitation. "This is important to us. I can not carry a child... My transformation would kill it. And a surrogate is out of the question for a werewolf and a convicted felon..."

Snape smirked, seeing another opening.

"Why wouldn't Black want to carry the child?" he asked. "I don't see you doing much with your precious time, and I'm certain this is the closest to the outdoors you will see for at least nine months."

That seemed to be the final straw for someone with as short a temper as Sirius.

"Why you slimy little git!!" he yelled, pushing past Remus, going for Severus' neck.

The potions professor had hardly ever been caught surprised before, very careful to predict everything. He had predicted Sirius' reaction to his jibes, he knew the man had quite a temper. What he did not predict, however, was Dumbledore. Normally in a situation such as this, where Snape had said something stupid and couldn't reach his wand in time, Sirius would get at least one good punch in before anyone would even attempt to stop him. It seemed most people saw his temper as more of a quirk than anything dangerous, since Snape was the only one to ever physically suffer from it. But this time, Dumbledore's wand was drawn and pointed before Sirius was even in range. Snape was caught off-guard, but tried not to show it. If anyone were to stop the attack, he would have expected the werewolf to do so (after the first punch, of course). He had made himself ready for the injury already, knowing how weak he was combined with the fact that he had never been a physically strong man, he had found it a suitable trade.

Sirius stopped mid-step at the sight of Dumbledore, who usually would never step in the middle until after someone was either seriously injured or the fight was already over, actively stopping him. He seemed as unused to the idea as Snape.

"Sirius, I'm disappointed in you. We already went over this. You are not to harm or come into contact with Severus in any way." he said in his worn but stern voice. Sirius took a step back.

"He's asking for it!" he bellowed.

"He's doing us a kindness." Remus responded. Snape realized that the werewolf had taken several steps backwards during the threatening situation. "You promised..."

This seemed to anger Sirius even more so, but his shoulders stopped hunching and his body relaxed slightly. Severus tried to hold back the smirk he wished to shine, if only for Dumbledore's sake. He was still confused, as the headmaster usually let Griffondors, even ones who have long past graduated, get away with anything, but he did not question it.

"I figure he-who-must-not-be-named choose _you_ because you're the only git as ugly as he is." Sirius growled pathetically as he made his way back to the wall. Severus let that one go. For one it was completely unoriginal (oh, he was ugly, _that_ was new), and for two, they both knew who won this exchange and who had to run off with their figurative tail between their legs.

"We should begin." Snape finally said. "I want this over with."

Remus nodded slightly, looking concerned, while Sirius didn't seem to care at all. Snape straightened his robe and hoped he just didn't lose all of his dignity when the spell hit. He wasn't sure how much more pain he could physically endure before his body gave up on him completely, but he knew that it wasn't very much. Lupin brought out his wand, that looked just as ragged as the rest of him, really, and pointed it towards Severus' navel.

"_Ferilious partonous._" he said, and Snape couldn't help but notice he didn't do a bad job on the incantation. He didn't notice for very long, however, as he fell to the ground moments later with a horrible grimace for pain.

He tried to hold back, probably even harder that when he tried around the Dark Lord, but it was impossible and he felt himself shrink with the small whimper that made it's way out his throat. He didn't notice much beyond the pain, even though he was almost positive _someone_ was trying to help him to his feet. It could have been Dumbledore, or maybe Remus, but his reaction was harsh to whoever it was.

"Don't touch me!" he hissed, pulling away.

Trying to save his dignity, he managed to only grunt in pain as he forced himself at least sit up. He couldn't stand. It was at this point he noticed the pain wasn't quite _as_ bad as it had been with Voldemort. Snape could only hope that the worst was over. Through sheer force of will, Severus' head rightened itself enough that he could open his eyes, long enough to see Sirius smirking in the corner, at least. After that he had to close them again. He took deep breaths and sighed.

"It's over." he lied, the pain was very far from being over, but if he bit the inside of his cheek hard enough he could stand. Doing just that he kept his eyes averted from the three in the room. If he were an optimistic man, he would have counted his blessings that only three people had seen the display. Unfortunately, Snape was not an optimistic man, and one of those people happened to be Sirius Black. "I have work to do."

"I'll walk you back to your rooms." Dumbledore said quietly with a fraction of sympathy for the mans pain. Snape shook his head, not quite as angry as he normally would have been, he just sounded tired.

"You will do no such thing." he said, as stern as ever, but not angry. "I do not need to be watched over."

Dumbledore smiled slightly, but it was a sad smile.

"Of course, my boy." he addressed Snape in the same tone as before. "Then I will be accompanying Remus and Sirius back to Grimmauld place."

The potions master nodded tersely and left the room, waiting until the door was closed to start using the wall as a crutch. The pain was horrible, but seeing that satisfied grin on Black's face was a thousand times worse so. He refused to grunt or moan his pain as he stumbled towards the stairs.

"I could always throw myself down them and end this nonsense now." he whispered to himself with a bit of snark.

Though the thought was alluring, Snape knew that there was no point. Orders from both Voldemort and Dumbledore would have to be broken if it did, and if Snape broke his word to either the punishment was easily death. He managed, through some form of miracle, not to _actually_ fall down the stairs, and ended up back in his bed, his body worn and tired and his mind in much of the same condition. And he still had classes tomorrow...

When Severus awoke the next morning, the pains where still there, but muted very much. He only felt the need to scream in pain about once every half-hour, and he had the energy to hold it back. However, he still skipped breakfast. Teachers were always meant to attend as a rule, but Snape decided that if he had to go through a torturous pain already, he should be allowed to skip his daily torture session. Breakfast was a chore of always trying to be ignored and never being able to be. There was always someone snooping on his eating habits, even after all these years that damn Minerva felt the dire need to remind him daily of his own blasted nutritional intake. Most of the teachers gave up trying to get Snape to eat more, or healthier, but it was still rare for a week to go by without someone mentioning it.

Instead, he stayed in the dungeons, taking an extra-long shower and skipping breakfast. Smiling to himself as he brushed his hair, Severus wondered briefly if he should feign further pain to avoid tomorrows breakfast, the extra time was well-welcome as was not having food shoved under his rather prominent nose.

After he had pulled up his trousers with a minimal pain, he stood in front of the mirror, as he did every day before he left his rooms. Some people would say he was vain, if they didn't know the only reason he checked the mirror was to make sure that he didn't look _too_ horrid. Severus hated his appearance, but it wasn't as though there were much he could do about it. He stayed trim from not eating, but beyond that he felt that his entire being where a mistake.

_'This **thing** inside of me must be praying for werewolf genes.'_ he thought as he buttoned his top and threw on his robe. _'Better to be a furry beast once a month than an ugly twat year-round.'_

Finally Severus left his rooms, only three minutes before class. He planned it this way. He arrived in class late enough that he didn't have to stand for the students pointless babble, but early enough to catch the slimy brats who attempted to come to his teachings late. A perfect balance he'd worked out over the years, when he entered the room the entire student body silenced. The potions master gracefully and powerfully made his way to the front of the room, making no question to who was in charge, and started his class.

* * *

**Ban**: Hey guys! I've actually been writing this one for quite a long time! It may be a long wait until the next chapter, but I promise it will come, I have this story all planned out (unlike most) and really like it, so... Anyway, please review! I love reading them and it makes my day! See you next time!


	2. October

Chapter Two:

October

* * *

Days turned to weeks, and those weeks formed a month, and sometimes Severus could go a few hours not even thinking about the fact that there was a living being growing inside of him. He continued to do research, but he found few things he didn't already know and consider already. He wouldn't start 'showing' for another two months, at least.

In the mean time, the curse would transform the body with the least amount it needed to produce the child. It had already done the biggest change the night the spell was cast. Being male; his body was forced to grow a womb. That had been the unbearable pain the days following the spell, his body slowly growing the needed part. It had been much worse than re-growing a limb, for it had to push his innards and twist them mercilessly to shove the foreign part inside.

Thankfully, there would be no other physical changes, besides the obvious stomach growth in a few months when the baby would start growing out. The thought of his body changing in such a way made him want to heave (he couldn't have morning sickness yet, right?). Though the lack of some other changes in his body he had feared were a relief to Snape, it would be a double-edged sword when the birthing arrived. If he had the proper canal, than he wouldn't have had to be gutted like a fish, but he once again reminded himself he had no options. The child would need a caesarian, with Snape fully conscious, to be removed from said womb, and apparently, he read, the womb would be removed at the same time. That seemed completely disgusting and unbearable to the usually unswayed potions master, but he once again reminded himself he had no options. Snape was haunted by the fact that this seemed to be the phrase that would follow him for the rest of his life.

He didn't hear much from others about the pregnancy, as it was obviously meant to be a secret. Dumbledore didn't speak of it outside of his office, and Snape had only been called once, when the headmaster informed Snape that Madam Pomfrey would be informed of his condition in the coming months, probably mid-November. Snape reluctantly agreed to this, even though he personally thought it was unnecessary and dangerous. However, he didn't doubt that Dumbledore knew what he was doing, and just went along with it.

As far as Lupin and Sirius where concerned, Snape hadn't heard from either them at all. Of course, Snape preferred it that way. He didn't ask any specifics, but the potions master was led to believe through minor observation during the Order meetings that they shared a bed and lived together, as could be expected. Homosexual couples were not in any way rare in the wizarding world, it was less taboo most likely because homosexual couples could produce children just as easily, so it was never an issue. Though Snape didn't know any of these couples personally. Than again, Snape made it his mission not to know many people personally.

One other thing he noticed, just casually, was how the werewolf silenced when Black entered the room. Or how the mans hair was greying and his robes torn, while Black, who had no access to the outside world, still had fresh clean roes, almost looking new. One would believe that in a relationship like the ones they were meant to have, Black would at least pay for a robe for his lover from his quite lucrative family fortune. Not that Snape was one to judge relationships...

In the weeks where no one spoke of what was happening with Snape's body, the only reminder he ever received was from Lucius, who was sending him letters almost daily through their private owls, which did not fly into the morning breakfast or to the owlery, but where trained to go down one of the chimneys, which were never lit and only large enough to fit small owls, and find Snape's room. Lucius was of course worried that someone would stumble on the letters, and the clever man had found a track around that in a pretty ingenious way. Then again Lucius had always been a tricky bastard.

_Sev,_

_ Draco tells me that you've yet to sit down in any of your potions classes. Maybe it would be a good idea to rest? A friend of mine believes that you're going to tire yourself out mid-day if you don't. Don't forget you are looking out for two now._

_ ~Lucius_

Snape raised his eyebrow as he read the note, not sure what to make of it. He knew who the 'friend' was, Voldemort, he wasn't dense, but why would either of them be bothered by his walking? The potions master always had to keep an eye on students during class, thanks to all of the imbeciles. Surely it would be much more suspicious if he suddenly started taking naps mid-day.

_Lucius,_

_ I don't see why you are concerned. Many books on the subject agree that the thing inside of me will deliver better if I stand as much as possible. As far as your son goes, it's clear to me he knows much more than he should on the subject of my current condition. I'd also be obliged if you stopped referring to me as 'Sev', I've never liked it and you know that._

_ ~Severus_

Snape knew that it wouldn't make much of a difference to ask, as Lucius had been calling him 'Sev' for nearly thirty years now, but it was worth a mention. Suddenly, all the strange looks Draco sent him in the past few weeks made sense...

He sighed as he began to tie the note onto the leg of the owl. He had no idea what it's name was, but to make up for that he found a bowl and filled it with water for the thing. Snape had never been one for owls, or cats, or dogs... Really he found most animals took a harsh disliking to him, so he never became close with any. Once the owl went on it's way, the potions master sat back down at his desk. It was noon, but staff where not required to sit at the lunch table if they had better things to do, which Severus claimed he did.

Well, in his mind it was a _very_ important thing to have a half-hour away from anyone who was foolish enough to 'talk' to him, and by talk he meant rant to him about any minor annoyances or chat his ear off over minor achievements. Also, lately he'd become a bit queasy around food. He assumed this was what all the woman he'd ever been unfortunate enough to hear from about pregnancy had called 'Morning Sickness'. He didn't find it to be a problem, however. He'd yet to actively be sick at any time, and was already working on altering the potion women used to work effectively on males. If people spent a little less time complaining and a little more time doing it their damn selves, he was sure a lot of minor problems could be solved just as easily.

For the next half-hour Snape spent his time grading a few papers, homework from his last class. The incompetence of these students was baffling. Not even the Ravenclaws could tell him the answers to some questions. Even the simple application of a bezore was seemingly impossible for these students to grasp, except for a precious few.

His Griffindor/Slitherin sixth year classes were after lunch, and Severus couldn't hate a time of day any more. You would hope, at this stage in their education, that he could trust the students to not bollocks things up as badly, but unless he paired Neville with Granger the class would explode every single day. It was a win-win for Snape to place them together, however, because he kept Longbottom from blowing up the entire school, and was able to knock a few points off of Granger's score.

To prepare, Snape started brewing another attempt of his morning sickness potion. Although he was confident that he had enough willpower not to evacuate the contents of his stomach onto his students, he'd much rather not feel like he was about to through his entire class. The potion was actually quite simple, mostly just quite a bit of brewing and waiting. It wouldn't be actively finished until about ten minutes into the class. Students started to file in early, and Snape groaned inwardly at still being there. He should have judged time better and made the potion in his private lab fifteen minutes ago. He moved to his next plan and just ignored them.

When it was time to begin class, he magically put out the fire and left the potion to cool itself. After that he went onto teaching, a very complex potion appearing on the board, one he hoped even Granger would have problems with. He resisted the erg to smirk when he told the students the potion was apt to explode if brewed incorrectly, the look on their faces, even most of the Slitherins, was hilarious.

They started their brewing, and Severus checked on his own potion. It was still in the experimental phase, but he trusted his skills well enough, he knew it would be fine for him to take it. He quickly swallowed the blue/purple elixir, actually enjoying the almost-fruit taste. He wished male pregnancies where a bit more common, so he could publish the potion one day. Not any time soon, but Severus did plan to publish all of his own potions before his death. Those who weren't talented enough might have a problem with the complexity of his brews, but any who could handle them would find his potions much more effective than any of the others in print.

He noticed that the bushy-haired Griffendor girl was staring at him, and snapped at her to get back to work before Longbottom blew up the classroom. After a few silent moments, Snape started feeling well enough to pace the room and make sure no one was going to kill themselves, or others. Not that he would have really viewed it as much of a loss to society, considering most of his students...

It seemed that not many people where doing completely horrible, though Snape refused to correct them unless they were about to blow themselves up. No point in helping a student pass when they didn't ask, and none of these children ever did. As he passed Draco's desk, however, the Malfoy raised his hand. This was odd, because Draco was actually very good at potions. Being one of the only types of magics that underaged wizards were allowed to take part in, added to the fact that Severus had been around Draco's entire childhood, made the boy a natural who almost never asked questions. People thought he favored Draco because he was the head of Slitherin, but really, it was Draco's talent that Severus favored. A _silent _talent, unlike Miss Granger who had to wave her arm around like an imbecile whenever she knew an answer. Severus leaned onto the table a bit to hear the boy better in a classroom filled with simmering and, in cases where children were failing, boiling and a high-pitched whine.

"Sir, which direction are we supposed to mix the potion?" he asked. Severus was dumbfounded for a second, before blinking.

"Clockwise, as you should always know unless the instructions state otherwise." Snape replied with a tone. Why would Draco ask such a silly question? He'd known the answer since he was six. And then Severus saw it, a note that Draco was currently actively pushing towards his hand which was on the desk. Snape rolled his eyes slightly and took the note. Well at least he wouldn't have to have the boys mind checked. Or maybe he'd still have to, if the Malfoy heir honestly believed that this was a clever way of conveying a message.

Assuming that the note was perhaps a last-minute message from Lucius, Snape walked back to the front of the class before opening it.

_Professor, try to sit down today, it's a three-hour class. _

Snape groaned at the ridiculousness of all of this, and continued pacing as he was. Draco was watching him even closer now, and the potions master swore that the boys eyes rolled when Severus threw the note into the wastebasket. Honestly, the Malfoy family must treat their wives like glass when they were with-child. Severus was perfectly fine walking around, it was only just barely the second month! He wouldn't even start to show until December, at the earliest.

Miraculously, no one exploded from the potion, though the only ones turned in half-decent where Granger and Malfoy. Snape felt a feeling of smug satisfaction seeing that Potters was a sick greenish color, when the potion was meant to be shimmering red. If he weren't a cocky fool and paid attention, he would have cut the ox tongue properly and it would have been fine. While the students where bottling their potions, Severus made a point of not sitting down (which he would normally do once class was done).

"Mister Mafloy, would you kindly spare a moment after class?" he asked very sternly, crossing his arms over his chest. Draco nodded and continued packing up with the others, but hung back when they left. When he didn't say anything, Severus did. "I have yet to understand _why_ your father confided the information of this with you, but I assure you my health is no concern of yours."

Draco immediately shook his head and looked up at Severus with eyes the potions master didn't even know the boy had. Strong, willing, and not an ounce of fear. Usually a determined face like the one he had on now would at least be ebbing anxiousness, as Draco was always worried he would mess up, but now it did not.

"No sir, it is every concern of mine." he said strongly. "I took an unbreakable oath with my father, that I wouldn't let you come into harm. I plan to keep it."

Severus groaned and closed his eyes as if he had a headache, knitting his eyebrows together slightly. An unbreakable oath, over _him_? It was ludicrous.

"Why in the world would you do that, Draco?" he asked, his voice less formal now.

"Why would _you_ agree to any of this?" the Malfoy questioned back almost immediately. Severus sighed and kept his eyes closed, though he forcefully relaxed his muscles.

"You, of anyone, should know that there was no possible way for me to deny this."

Draco's face darkened for a moment into a more red complexion before fading back to it's normal pale, pasty colors. Yes, they both knew that Draco knew everything about the Dark Lords ability to get what he wanted. And Draco would most likely _keep _experiencing this first-hand until he was old enough to leave, or another boy struck the Dark Lords fancy. Draco lowered his head and stared at the lip of Snape's robes for a minute, and Severus actually felt a twinge of guilt for bringing up such a horrible thing, not that he hadn't gone through it himself.

"Professor... I'm going to keep you safe. No matter what, I'm going to. You can get mad at me, lower my grade, anything you want, but I'm going to make sure you don't hurt yourself." he finally let out in a whisper.

Severus sighed himself and clenched and unclenched his fists a few times before his reply.

"I will do nothing to your grades, Draco. I will point out that so far there is nothing to stop me from running my classes as I always have." he said calmly.

"You assigned a potion that could explode! You think that's safe?" Draco asked, looking upwards sharply before realizing this was inappropriate and continuing with his head lowered.

"Once again, I am not in any serious condition."

"Not yet. But you will be."

Snape rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Then until then, I shall expect you and your father to keep your noses out of my business, do you understand?" Severus asked in a very dangerous tone. Draco nodded slightly. "Very well, you may go."

After the Malfoy left, Snape sat heavily in his chair. This was going to spiral out of control. Too many people knew about him, about this, and more would. Dumbledore, Lucius, Sirius, Lupin, Draco, soon even Pomfrey would be aware. It was starting to become more of a blow to Severus' pride than anything else...

* * *

A few more days passed with no real merit. Lucius and Snape kept trading notes, most of them arguing about the latest news of Draco's blood bond. Lucius seemed to think it was appropriate to have someone looking out for his friend, but Snape found it to be completely the opposite. He couldn't seem to get through a class without Draco silently begging him to sit down.

_For Merlin's sake, Lucius, you do realize I'm only a month in, yes? Have Draco buy a book about pregnancy, he has the money. I'm not a piece of glass, and I'm not going to break by walking around my own damn classroom._

After the potions master sent that one, the Malfoy heir seemed to calm down a bit, obviously his father passed along the message.

That night, Severus sighed as he realized he had a meeting for the Order to attend to. Thanks to a very persuasive argument of 'I'll kill everyone in the room', Dumbledore promised Severus that he would not mention the pregnancy to anyone who didn't absolutely have to know about it. This meeting was more of a formality, but Snape still felt the need to attend to make sure Dumbledore held true to his promises. Normally the potions master would skip such frivolity, but he didn't have to attend the dinner, just listen to the headmaster yap on for about twenty minutes on how nothing much has changed, and give a small, encouraging speech.

He doubted that people ever knew how predictable they were, not that he was any _less_ predictable... Perhaps he was just more of a hypocrite. He sighed at this thought as he stepped out of the grounds of Hogwarts with a feeling of dejavu. He would appieriate to Black's damn house, where he was less than unwelcome, and end up hating every goddamn unnecessary moment there. If he weren't so concerned about people finding out about the situation he found himself in, Snape would certainly not attend.

Once he arrived at the front steps of the large dank house, he entered rather unceremoniously. Severus found no reason to announce his presence, which should have been expected from someone as seclusive as himself.

The house was just as homely as Severus remembered. It really did remind him of the house he grew up in, with his mother. Dark, surrounded by evil objects and a general disturbing aura. It put people off, but Snape pretended not to be affected. On some level, he wasn't. Being a slave to the Dark Lord, he had to be used to those things. He started towards the sitting room, where all of the Order's meetings took place, as it was spelled to keep prying twins from being able to eavesdrop. Unfortunately, the anti-eavesdropping spells only worked when the door was shut, and some poor fool had left it hanging wide open as Severus went by. He caught Madame Pomfrey's voice and stopped in his tracks. Pomfrey was a member of the Order, but normally did not attend the meetings.

"Remus... I can't keep these a secret anymore. This time was much too much." she said. Severus knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, he was above such things, but he couldn't stop himself.

"I know. He's just... He hates this house, he hates being kept here." Lupin said, his voice sounded distraught. "He doesn't mean it."

"This isn't just another lecture. I'm going to Dumbledore." Pomfrey said in an abrupt reply. Her voice was just as stern as if she were talking to a student.

"Don't do that. He's a busy man, and I am not a child." Lupin replied just as sharply, though it sounded odd in his soft voice. It was followed directly by a painful-sounding moan, and Pomfrey sighed. "He is just stressed, and recently even more so..."

"This is not up for discussion, Remus. You could have been killed this time. They have locked men up for doing much less than what he is doing to you."

This is when Severus stopped listening, pulling his body backwards and deciding it was time to stop 'over hearing'. He could guess what was happening in that room, and it was not something he wanted to know about. He wished he had some sympathy for the werewolf, really, but abuse happens, and he wasn't exactly surprised. Sirius had attacked him so many times, it really wasn't unexpected that he would attack his lover just as easily.

He didn't see Pomfrey leave, but he heard the use of a fireplace and floo powder. Severus stayed in the hallway for a moment longer until Dumbledore showed up, and then he followed the older man in. He didn't make any mention of the conversation he'd heard, but did notice that Lupin was more battered-looking than the last time he'd seen the man. If this was how he looked like after Pomfrey had _already_ cared for him, he could only imagine how bad the beating must have been.

No one else seemed to notice, however. If Snape hadn't overheard the conversation between the two, he doubted very much that he would have noticed, either. Lupin always looked quite disheveled, there was a point were people just didn't want to be considered 'rude' for pointing it out.

During Dumbledore's little pep-rally, Sirius stumbled in, obviously drunk. He took a seat right next to Lupin, and to the werewolf's credit, he didn't make and visible sign of what had transpired. Sirius was quite obviously surprised when he saw Lupin, and Severus figured he didn't know about Pomfrey's little visit. Once again, Severus was the only one who noticed these things. He was good at watching people, much worse at the interaction. Years as a spy helped him read people very well.

Finally after a long, tedious speech about how they were the good guys who will always prevail, Dumbledore dismissed the group and Snape stood up. If he were a better person, he would have stayed. Maybe checked to see if Lupin was alright, or at least make sure Sirius was passed out before he left (not that it seemed it would take long, he was already so drunk). But unfortunately he wasn't that good a person, he didn't feel much sympathy for someone who stayed with a person who was abusive (let alone defending them), and he felt a dire need to relieve himself thanks to his body's recent changes. He went straight to the fireplace and took a handful of floo powder before he heard his name being called.

"Severus!" The black-haired man turned, to see Lupin, smiling a soft smile. He was an odd one, at least. One would think a good beating would at least keep the smile off of his face, at least for a few hours. "I wanted to ask how you were fairing."

Snape rolled his eyes in annoyance at the question. When did everyone start caring about his welfare? Sure, it was only three people so far, but that was much more than he was used to. Last he checked most people would have celebrated if he were to drop dead. But, the rational sided of his mind knew that Lupin wasn't concerned with _him_. It was the child everyone was fussing over.

"I am _fairing_ just fine." he said, with a bit more bite to his voice than he intended. He figured he should at least try to go easy on the pitiful man, but he couldn't help himself. He was simply used to being the way he was. Lupin's smile faded, if only for a moment before he managed to perch it back on.

"You know, we're here if you need anything..." he said kindly, and Severus could not help but wonder what 'we' he was referring too. If he was including Sirius in the count, he was far off.

"That is not necessary." Snape said quickly, raising a hand. He had to hold back his anger, he wanted to snap at Lupin to mind his own damn business. He had agreed to become their surrogate out of necessity, not choice. The last thing Severus needed was more false sincerity. He didn't leave Lupin time to respond. "I have papers to grade, I don't have time to stand around and chat."

He left immediately after that, not wanting to have to speak with the werewolf any longer. He flooed himself straight to his office, and then sat down and took a deep breath. He didn't get his moment of peace very long, however, because he had to run to the bathroom as soon as he was relaxed. This would all take a much harder toll on his than he believed, and not because of the child.

* * *

A few days past rather uneventfully, Halloween was coming, and Severus locked himself into his dungeon even more often. He hated the holidays, and so chose to ignore them completely. The only occurrence Severus took any notice in was that his scar was starting to burn. It always would sting for a few days before a meeting, even if the meeting was _planned_ ahead of time. It was rather irritating, but he had grown used to it, his arm always numbed after some time. His classes were going as planned, and Draco wasn't hovering around him nearly as much, though he was still rather annoying. He would come up to him after class, offering him _fruits_ and _vegetables,_ telling him to be careful, asking him how he was sleeping. It was so irritating. Trying to resolve the issues through his note exchange with Lucius was completely useless, he completely disregarded it to most degrees.

Snape didn't think much about it when Dumbledore asked him to come to his office one day after dinner. He could only assume he was going to get some information about what he needed to find out, as if it was that easy. He gave all the information he could acquire, better than anyone else could possibly get, and yet... He groaned at the idea of going to a meeting _before_ his meeting, but he managed to pull himself out of the safety of his room to see the other man.

To his surprise, however, they weren't alone in the office. Remus Lupin, clad in his usual baggy, worn attire, was sitting in one of the two chairs positioned in front of Dumbledore's strong oak desk. He didn't bother asking, he knew eventually he would be told what was going on.

"Have a seat, Severus." Dumbledore said, motioning towards the empty chair. Severus nodded and did as he was told, subconsciously gripping his wand, as he often did when he felt nervous or anxious. "I wanted to tell you the good news personally."

Severus immediately rolled his eyes. He'd had quite enough 'good news' from Dumbledore lately...

"Remus is going to be coming back to the school, this year as an assistant, and next year he will be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!"

The black-haired man groaned inwardly, keeping his face stoic. Of course, he was being passed over again, even if he _was_ more qualified to teach the class. Why tell him personally? Adding insult to injury was never Dumbledore's style, unless... Oh God no.

"And who will he be _assisting_?" Severus asked, his intuition correct as Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.

"Well, you." he said simply. Snape's jaw set and his eyes narrowed. Albus didn't give him the chance to object, hurrying. "Given your condition, Severus, you may actually be needing help in the coming months. This arrangement works well for both you and Remus."

Snape raised his eyebrows, his mind working to put the pieces together. Remus must have left the damn dog, he had nowhere else to go, and now he was stuck with him.

"Regardless, it's not up for discussion. Remus will be moving down to the dungeons, with you. His room and your room will neighbor each other." Dumbledore let on, and Severus' hands clenched.

"I will not-"

"Not up for discussion." Dumbledore repeated. The potion-masters eyes darkened and his fingers became even whiter than they already were. He didn't want some werewolf sniffing around in his rooms, his _home_. "I understand you might view this as a hindrance right now, but in the future, I assure you it will be beneficial for you."

Snape's jaw stayed clenched as he waited for this to be over. He was so tired of being told what to do, with no regard to what would happen to him, or how he felt. Next to him, Remus looked almost expressionless, which was odd. Usually the blond was smiling at least a little bit... Severus felt as if something bad had happened, something much worse than the night of the Order's meeting. Maybe another beating, perhaps something much worse, all Severus knew was the feeling was there. He looked up at Dumbledore, his eyes not trying to hide his inner anguish.

"Seeing as I have no say, I'd like to be dismissed. I have a meeting tonight." he said darkly.

Albus nodded, looking over at Remus and smiling.

"All of your things are in your new room." he said to the werewolf, while Snape was already leaving. He was so angry he could barely believe it himself. The term 'when it rains, it pours' came to mind. It seemed he couldn't go more than a week without another one of his rights being trampled on for more 'good news'.

* * *

It was dark when he finally ended up using his portkey to arrive at the meeting place. Like usual, it was a different location than the ones prior, so no one could try to guess where they were. Everyone was unmasked, this being a casual meeting. Lucius and the others all bowed their heads when Severus arrived, and he looked completely thrown off. He was well-respected with the Dark Lords people, but not so much that they would bow their heads for him.

"Ssseveruss." he heard, and quickly turned towards Voldemort himself. "Come, you will ssssit besside me."

The potions master looked at the... thing, quite bewildered. He'd never heard such an odd request from the Dark Lord, but he would be a fool to deny it. A chair had been placed next to him, and Severus took it awkwardly. He felt so odd, sitting down when all the others were standing, but he knew why. Voldemort was under the impression that he wasn't sitting enough, and Severus could take three guesses who gave him _that_ idea. He glared at Lucius through most of the meeting. Voldemort was a charming man, if you didn't look at him. There was a reason he was able to gather so many followers, and it wasn't just fear. He was a silver-tongued snake, and the longer he spoke the more rallied his men were. As usual, Severus was one of the few who didn't react.

It wasn't as if he ever reacted in the past, even when he was actually a member of the Dark Spies, he didn't exactly react. He just watched, and now he would just keep watching. If he changed, people might be suspicious. He went on and on about purity, about the disgusting mud-bloods, about a pure-blood world... Everything they'd heard before. Dumbledore had his speeches, and Voldemort had his. They were both just as dull and pointless, in Severus' eyes. Sitting down just made him feel more lethargic over the entire process.

Towards the end of the speech, to Severus' surprise, his name came up in the speech. He had been paying attention, on some level, but at his name he twitched a bit. The Dark Lord went on about sacrifice, and how he was a hero to their side, and so on. Snape bowed his head politely but said nothing. All he could do in laugh a bit on the inside, realizing that he was treated with much more respect by the side he wasn't even actually part of than the one he really was.

Of course, to get that respect he still had to degrade himself, follow orders, and sacrifice his very body to a cause he didn't believe in, never believed in to be honest. The only reason he joined up, when he was a pathetic lanky child, was because he wanted to be a part of something. The Dark Lord offered him a purpose, a place in the world, back when he had absolutely nothing to his name. No family, no friends, he was even hated by his fellow Slythrins. He shook out these thoughts when a man grabbed his shoulder. Voldemort. If you could call _that_ a 'man'.

"Where are you, Sseverus?" he asked.

"Sir?" the potions master asked right back, raising his eyebrows. Voldemort gave a smug disgusting smirk and dismissed the group. He disappeared first, leaving the rest in a pool of darkness.

Severus stood up and kept his balance, but felt the room spin slightly. Lucius must have seen this, because he was by his side in mere seconds, hand on his shoulder. Severus pushed the hand away bitterly.

"Sev, you have to start eating more." he said, but didn't make a move to touch his friend again, though part of him wanted too. Lucius always craved Severus. The potion-master was just blissfully unaware of this fact.

"And how do you _know_ about my eating habits?" the dark-haired man asked spitefully, suspecting the younger Malfoy.

"Everyone knows your eating habits, or lack thereof..." Lucius mumbled. One by one the other Death Eaters were going off on there ways, all dissiperating at different times, some walking off for a few miles first, so no one would know where the meeting had been held.

"My business is none of yours." he snapped back, rolling his eyes. "Now would you leave me alone? I have to get back to the school in time to grade some idiotic papers and at least attempt to get a few meager hours of rest before I must wake up and deal with them all in person."

"Ever the optimist..." Lucius said while rolling his eyes, used to this sort of thing. Severus had never been Mr. Sunshine, but Lucius never gave up on him. He was somehow unattainable, and that was why Lucius Malfoy wanted him so badly.

"I'm teaching the next generation, and they are by large a pack of rabid, mindless animals. I would like for you to stay optimistic when you see this every day." Severus replied, but in the corner of his mouth, a hint of a smile.

"Because before you became a teacher, you always looked on the bright side?"

Severus rolled his eyes and decided it was time to go home, he had much to deal with. He had a new 'teachers assistant' to train. Also he had to assume he had to create a wolfsbane potion regularly again... The entire situation was troublesome. He apperiated back to Hogwarts, just outside the circle that kept him from doing so within, and walked back to his rooms alone in the darkness. He was very much used to this.

What he wasn't used to was being watched. He knew he was, Severus had a sense about these things. He even knew who was doing it. Harry Potter, that arrogant boy who thought he was above all the rules. He glanced around, but knew he wouldn't be able to see the boy. He could only hear the quiet footsteps, feel those bright green eyes glaring at him like a maggot. Even though he was completely aware that Snape was on his side, the potions-master knew that the boy would never believe it. He'd do anything in his power to prove that Severus was the evil one, even when the black-haired man saved the boys life on more than one occasion.

He sighed off the feeling, sure there wasn't much he could do about it, and kept heading towards his dungeons. The moment he reached the stairs he could feel the suffocating presence on the werewolf... It was warm. Severus always had to start a fire in his bedroom the moment he got inside to keep his thin body from shivering, but in the room down the hall, a fire must have been roaring for some time to heat the entire floor. He didn't even have to _see_ the mutt to have him inferring with his life. Sure, it just saved him a step, but that did not mean it was welcome. He locked himself in his own room as soon as possible, reminding himself that at least he still had his own 'home' as it were. Three rooms that were just his own. A large sitting area, his equally large bedroom, and his personal bath, but the fact that only a hallway separated him from others still angered him.

He used to have the entire floor to himself... He groaned and fell into his bed, ignoring the papers he was supposed to grade tonight. He would get to them in the morning when he had to teach those moronic first-years. For now, all he wanted was sleep.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but after almost losing almost the entire story when my computer broke, I decided to stop saving the next chapter and just put it up. I hope to have another chapter up soon! Thank you for all of the nice reviews, I'd love to read more! Also, I was going to ask if anyone would be interested in being a _beta reader_ for me! Please tell me! Thank you!


	3. November

Chapter Three:

November

* * *

For the next few days Severus did a very commendable job avoiding Remus. They both had their own areas, and the werewolf actually seemed to respect that. In classes, Remus was quiet and mostly just sat on the side while Severus was teaching. When the children brewed their potions, he would help with the rounds. Sometimes, Severus even sat down. He was actually starting to feel dizzy or tired at times, which he'd been expecting. Thankfully, his morning sickness was not as bad as some others. He was not completely immune, he wasn't so lucky, but it only struck in the mornings for the most part, which was actually unusual. Morning sickness usually effected a woman an entire day, from what he'd read in pregnancy books and heard from eavesdropping. Then again, the first time the damn thing stuck, Severus made a large batch of potions to fight against it. He had to take a new one every morning, because it was not effective long-term, but it was safe for the _thing_, so he had no other choice. More potent ingredients could have been harmful.

Every day seemed to get more and more depressing for Snape, mostly molding together in what was usual and some things that were a bit unusual (but soon became usual). No more meetings, for the time being. Or at least none that Severus was meant to attend. The Order probably met several times, he did note Remus came and went some nights... These were meetings only for the people that were truly trusted, Severus had to assume. He knew that Dumbledore trusted him, that was no question, but the others were not ready to accept that "the greasy bastard" had actually switched sides, even after a decade. Severus was on a need-to-know basis with the Order, giving all the information he could obtain on Voldemort and his whereabouts, while only getting scraps in return which were barely enough to appease the Dark Lord. He could barely count the numbers of times he'd been put through the Cruciatus because he had only sparse facts to give to the dark. Even worse when Dumbledore gave him half-true information. It didn't happen often, but when it did Severus could only pray for Crucio, because the non-magical punishments Voldemort could dish out could be a thousand times worse.

Now, however, Dumbledore was positive that the next time Voldemort saw him, there would be no physical punishment as a response. He was so sure that The Dark Lord would care more about the 'heir' than punishment. Severus wasn't so sure, but arguing with Dumbledore was usually a fruitless endeavor. For his next meeting, Severus was given even less information than normal, and he was dreading it. Even he knew there were ways to hurt a person without using magic, and still avoid hurting a child inside...

The only rest, the _only _respite that Severus received were the moments late at night. He could read, shower, do whatever he needed to get away from his crushing experience. Lupin was quite at nights, and he wasn't bothered by the other man. Sometimes the wolf would try to talk to him, invite himself over or ask if he needed anything, and Snape usually just snapped a quick 'no' before closing the door.

Classes were going fairly well, besides the fact that Lupin was never specifically trained with potions. He was practically as bad as the children half of the time, but after the first class, he seemed to at least realize he was and stayed out of the way. Instead, the werewolf watched for mistakes rather than correcting them, and studied the potions master. Snape felt the dark eyes on him all through class. Combine that curious look with Potters Dirty one and Draco's worried one, and Snape felt as if he was a performer onstage rather than an instructor.

It was after one of these days that Draco stayed after class again, this time without Snape asking him to do so, which through the potion-master for a loop. Lupin, who was still gathering his things before leaving for lunch, looked up. Severus waved him off, and the two Slythrins stood in silence until the Gryffindor left the room. Once the door closed, Snape turned and walked towards his desk.

"Worried about my health again, Draco?" he asked, looking down. He rarely used the boys name in school, though outside he did often. Draco blushed and nodded.

"You... you still aren't eating much, but that's not..." He shrugged and looked at the chair Lupin had been sitting in moment ago. "Why is he here? Is he spying on you?"

Snape's eyes brightened. Clever child. He shook his head and smirked slightly.

"Perhaps, but I don't pay him much mind, you shouldn't either." he said, letting Draco believe whatever he wanted to believe. Draco gulped and nodded. Severus got the distinct impression that something was on the boys mind. "Is there something else?"

Draco nodded and looked down, which led Snape to believe this was going to turn into some sort of guessing game. However, Severus didn't like games and refused to put up with such nonsense.

"Out with it, child." he snapped, used to treating Draco like a small child. Draco gulped again and shook his head, but spoke nonetheless.

"How did you do it, Professor?" He asked. For a moment Snape had no idea what the boy meant, but then the fair-haired child spoke again. "My father was... so proud when Voldemort chose me, the way he chose you, but..."

Severus closed his eyes, sighing. He knew what Draco meant now... Back when he was a child, only fifteen years old, he and all the other soon-to-be Death Eaters had to stand in a line. Voldemort checked each child, until he got to Severus. He didn't know what he did to deserve the Dark Lord's 'special' attention. He was no better looking back then than he was now. All he'd ever had going towards his 'beauty' was his lithe body, and that was something no one had ever seen under his lose robes. No one, that is, except Voldemort. Severus had spent years trying to forget that night, and the many nights that came after. Just as he was getting sucked back into his memories, Draco spoke.

"I hate it. I can't... I can't do what he asks anymore. It's... It's humiliating and..." he said, and Severus cut him off. He could tell the blond was about to cry, and knew Draco would rather he not let him. The blond took a deep breath and nodded. "Did you... When did he stop with you?"

Severus shook his head and sighed.

"It took many years. Until he found another. And then you." he said truthfully. Draco bit his lip, hard. It turned white and Severus gestured for the boy to sit down. "Have you... told your father?"

The blond shook his head and looked down. Severus saw the pain in the boys eyes, as he saw often. His heart went out to Draco, but he didn't know how to stop it. He hadn't been able to get away until... Suddenly the potions master realized the advice he had to give.

"Draco." he said sternly, and the boys head snapped up. "He's never going to stop... Ever."

Draco blinked and wrapped his arms around his thin shoulders. Too thin. Just like Severus was back then... Then again, he was still about the same weight... The older man had never noticed the similarities before. Not so much in the face, Draco was much more attractive, given his fathers fine lips and eyes, his mothers beautiful skin, he was a fine catch. No, their bodies. Lithe, almost worryingly so, and pale.

"But... He stopped with you." he said. His voice sounded strained, and begging. Severus shook his head.

He couldn't talk about this. Not in a million years. He'd done such a good job suppressing those years of his life. It was how he became so good at ignoring other peoples pain... Because so many people had ignored his own. But how could he turn around and ignore the young Malfoy's? Draco was coming to him for help, and Snape knew there was nothing for him to do. Draco used to call him 'Uncle Severus'... Not that he let that go on past the age of five, even _with _Lucious' goading...

"Look at where I am." The potion-master said grimly, turning towards the chalkboard. He couldn't face Draco while saying this. "Carrying his child, letting him use my body for his bidding... How is what you are doing for him any different?"

The silence that followed let Severus know that his point was sinking in. Maybe, just maybe, showing his weakness here would help his... successor, of sorts, in the long run. Maybe Draco might actually be able to get away. He could only pray he was right, or at least that he was doing something right.

* * *

After Draco had left- quickly and quietly like a startled animal; Severus was about to leave when he noticed a pile of papers sitting on a desk. They were the ones he'd asked his new 'assistant' to grade. With a sigh, he started grading the most recent papers from the idiotic first years. He knew their ignorance was the fault of either their parents or the fact that they were born into muggle families, but finding so many mistakes in papers that were meant to be simple was disheartening. That was why he'd tried to pawn them off onto the wereworlf. How hard was it to find out the importance of timing in potion-making? It was the most essential part! He sighed and kept grading, his pen barely flicking whenever he marked a wrong statement. When he heard the door of the classroom open, he peeked up to see Remus standing, looking a bit squeamish. Though the man had seemed that way ever since he'd come back to the school. He hid it well around the children, especially those Griffindor brats he loved so much, but Severus, in his abilities to pay attention to the things others wished to hide, had noticed his twitching.

He had not only noticed the small twitches here and there, but also bigger things. As is common in potions class, that very afternoon there had been a small, loud _POP_ when a student put their beazor into their mixture too soon. Severus didn't miss the teachers 'assistant' flinching and pulling back, as if about to be attacked. Since that, Lupin had been behaving even more like a frightened animal than usual.

"Do you need something?" The potions-master asked. Lupin nodded and walked over to his own desk, chatting along the way. Even when frightened, he was still trying to make conversation.

"I left behind those papers you wanted... Oh. I'm sorry." he said, when he noticed the papers were on Severus' desk, half-graded.

"It's alright." Severus assured the werewolf, though he made sure to leave the sincerity out of his voice.

"No, it's not. I'll take care of the rest."

Snape looked up, but didn't argue and stood up. He didn't leave the room, however, he just went to his own cauldron. He had expected Remus to take the papers and leave, but instead the werewolf sat down and started reading the paper that Severus had been grading.

"Don't let mistakes pass just because they are Griffindors." the teacher warned, summoning a fire underneath his cauldron. Remus looked up and shook his head.

"Of course not." he replied solemnly, but Severus saw a sneak of a smile on his face. He had a suspicion the man wouldn't be quite as strict as he would be, but he was also sure that he wouldn't let any true mistakes pass his notice.

A few minutes passed in an almost uncomfortable silence, though Severus pretended it didn't bother him half as much as it really did. He simmered his potion, which was already a brilliant blue color with stripes of other shades flowing along while he mixed it. Severus always loved the amazing colors potions could make, and even after years of making them as a specialty he had yet to find a perfect color to bore him. The colors his pupils managed to produce, however...

"What are you making?" Remus finally asked. Another pathetic attempt at conversation, which the werewolf had been doing fairly often. Severus usually just ignored it, but in a small, very quiet classroom, that would be even more rude than he was used to being.

"A morning sickness potion." he answered simply, not looking up from the boiling blue, which was starting to slowly fade into a royal purple color. Lupin stayed quiet for some time, and Snape was grateful for it. He rolled up his long robe sleeves so he could chop the wormwood into a fine powder to keep it from literally killing him when he ingested the potion. Robes were not the best attire to wear while creating a potion, but Snape wasn't about to wear muggle clothes in public.

"Has that already started?" Lupin asked, his eyes moving down to Severus' middle, which made the potions-master feel rather uncomfortable. He turned to get something unnecessary off the shelf to break the eye contact.

"Slightly." He answered.

"So... Why do you want to teach defense against the dark arts?" the werewolf suddenly asked. Snape could tell by his voice that he was trying his very best to make the question sound casual, which made the potions-master wonder about his ulterior motive.

"Why do you ask?" he replied calmly. Polite conversation was something Snape grasped very well... He just considered it below him more often than not. He looked up, knowing his black eyes would be able to force the truth out of Lupin if he were planning to lie.

However, Lupin just blushed very lightly and shrugged, and his awkwardness brought Severus a bit of sick pleasure. The same feeling he got when he called on a student who was quite obviously not prepared for the question.

"Well, you seem to _enjoy_ making potions..."

"I do." Snape replied quickly, cutting the werewolf off. "Which is why I take absolutely no joy in teaching it."

Lupin looked up curiously, but Severus refused to continue speaking without being prompted, his thin fingers still chopping the wormwood. Minced was not fine enough. He noticed Lupin staring at his wrists. It was probably the most of Severus' skin the man had been exposed to since childhood. Thinking of that, however, made his face flush a bit and he tried to concentrate on his work. The last thing he needed to think of was exactly how much skin Lupin had seen back then, when that damn Potter; Potter _Senior_, of course, would charm him into the air. Fortunately, he didn't have to think on that memory for very long. Remus spoke up again, done being puzzled by the potion-masters response and, after being unable to figure it out on his own, decided to just ask.

"Why wouldn't you, if you enjoy it?" he asked.

Snape thought for a moment, arranging his words in the proper way before issuing his response.

"Students don't respect potions. To most, they see it as something tedious, and when they are bored, they destroy things. They forget an ingredient or stir too much, making the entire hour a waste." he replied.

Lupin glanced over at Severus, realizing that the potions-master was very much serious. He didn't want to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts because he liked them... He just took potions too personally. The werewolf smiled at this, but quickly brought his lips back into a neutral state when Severus glared at him.

"I suppose... I always felt the same way when it came to potions." Lupin admitted, looking down at the cauldron Severus was currently working over. "I was a top student, but... Potions never quite appealed to me the way they did for you. Even back then in class, you were always furiously taking notes, going above and beyond..."

_'I had to take notes on what the teacher and book had bollocked up.'_ Severus thought, but Lupin continued uninterrupted.

"Then, and now really, you always made your brews look so much more, well.. _beautiful_ than any of the other potions I've seen." Lupin admitted, and Severus nearly froze in his stirring. He didn't, of course, the potion required that he not stop for another forty seconds. He didn't look up at Lupin, though if he had he might have caught the light blush which painted the other mans cheeks. As it were, he assumed Lupin was simply mocking him.

"When a potion is made correctly, it almost always reflects the beauty of fine execution." he said quietly, as his inner counting made it up to forty and he set his stirring spoon down onto the counter. His potion was simmering, the faint yellow glow it had acquired while stirring was fading away, leaving a metallic-looking fuchsia in it's place. Snape was pleased with how it turned out, and went to fetch some vials, ignoring Remus once more. "Unfortunately, most just don't appreciate putting in the effort when a sloppily-made potion can work, though not half as well."

Remus nodded and looked back down at his papers, a look of thoughtfulness crossing his tired features. Severus ignored this as well, and just stuck to bottling his potion. This was enough for at least three weeks, if he needed it daily. He still wasn't sure how often his sickness would strike, only that his potion seemed to last for twenty-four hours.

"I wonder... will Dumbledore still let me have my child, do you think?" Lupin asked, causing Severus to nearly drop the vial he was filling.

He had yet to really think of the thing in his belly as a 'child', much less the child of _Remus Lupin_. But it was true, was it not? The werewolf had ownership of it. As far as Severus knew, none of the teachers had asked about Lupin and Sirius, trying to be polite to the young man. More than likely Dumbledore had informed them, and Snape was not considered. Not that Severus minded this, he made it clear he had no interest in gossip whatsoever.

"Your blood runs through it's veins. I doubt there is a reason he would keep it from you." he said solemnly, his voice losing any of the softness it had held when he was speaking of potions. Lupin probably heard this, because his body language sunk down and he lowered his head to look at the papers he'd finished grading.

"My blood. _Werewolf's_ blood." Lupin replied. "We were going to raise her... or him, I suppose... I was hoping for a girl... In secret, together. But now... Now it's just me, and... and it's illegal for a werewolf to _have_ children."

Severus rolled his eyes and looked away stubbornly.

"Don't ask foolish questions." he snapped as he put the cap on the last vial and set it on his holder with the rest of them. He turned to leave. "I'm going to retire now, make sure you put the papers away."

And with that, Severus turned and walked out of his office, without a second look at the werewolf who seemed to be staring hopelessly at the mans dark robes as they billowed behind him. Once Severus made it to his quarters, he slammed the door with a flick of his wrist and started the fire with only a glance. Wandless magic. He could only use it when he was feeling especially angry, however.

Why did _he_ have to feel sorry for that damn dogs leftovers? Lupin knew what he was getting into, starting a relationship with someone like _that_. And why should Severus pity him?

_'Did Remus ever lift a finger while those two devils tortured me?'_ he thought as he began to unbutton his robes, casting aside his feelings of sympathy.

His fingers, thin and dexterous, made quick work of the small buttons that would take others quite a while to release. His robes were the old-fashion type, which weren't used anymore because they were thought to be too cumbersome by most. They kept his frail body warm and hid it from the prying eyes of others. He wore them even in the summer now. About four years prior, The Headmaster had made a note on how thin Severus was looking and had seemed intent on making sure his potions instructor was healthy, making Severus' life a living hell for two months before the potions-master put an end to it.

With a small sigh, Severus changed into his sleeping robes, which were lighter and made of silk to keep from binding when he trashed about in his nightmares. He slipped between his blankets and closed his eyes, trying to force himself into sleep.

Several times during the night Severus ended up waking up for no good reason. Usually when this happened, he was just fine after walking around for a few minutes and going back to bed, but that wasn't working. And then, like clockwork, his arm started burning the moment the sun rose to summon the Death Eaters to a meeting that night. It was pointless. There was no reason for his arm to start burning so early, and so strongly. There was nothing he could do to stop it, either. He knew that well. No ingredients he tried could create a potion to help with the pain. Once he had created a lotion which he applied directly to the mark that worked well, but the pain was only twice an unbearable once it wore off, and the lotion half as affective when applied again.

He had to put up with the pain, which was only the start of his annoyances. He could hear Remus humming through the wall of his bathroom, his water refused to run hot enough to get him to stop shivering, and he was already feeling queasy. Everything seemed bleak, bleaker than usual even for him, and he just tried to force himself to get along with his day. By noon, he'd already snapped at as many students as he normally would in a week, barely recognizing the difference between his own house and others. What was the point? They were all idiots, so what did house _really_ matter to him? Very little, when he was as annoyed as he was now.

Finally, the nighttime came. Snape wasn't sure if he were relieved or even more annoyed. Now he would spend another night listening to useless babble, and his migraines were acting up. He took a potion of his own make, and it worked wonders obviously, but that still didn't make him feel any better. They had always been exceedingly painful. He sighed, holding his head in his hands as he left his room.

"Severus?"

The potions-master looked over with a mostly annoyed reaction, seeing Lupin leaving his bedroom as well.

"I'm in a hurry." he said quickly, and the werewolf nodded, but followed behind him. Severus had the distinct impression that Lupin knew exactly where he was going.

"Did you know Draco is speaking to Dumbledore?" the raggedy man asked, and Severus turned abruptly. Remus held his hands up slightly, and smiled a bit. "I don't know what about, I swear."

Severus rolled his eyes, hoping that he knew what Draco would be discussing with Dumbledore and what it might lead to. Draco having a safe haven here, staying away from all of the Death Eaters, staying out of this whole mess from now on. He could only hope...

"You're going to a meeting, right?"

The potions-master looked over with a perplexed expression and then finally nodded.

"Yes. And I have to be outside of the grounds. Soon." he said sharply, in a tone that Remus took to be slightly threatening. "Now, if you'll pardon me."

He left Lupin behind and went up the stairs, to the courtyard. Once again, he felt a twinge of annoyance, this time at how far he had to walk before he was out of the schools boundaries so he could go to the meeting. It was cold out already, snow would be coming soon. He gulped and wrapped his arms around his stick-thin body, his heavy cloak feeling suddenly like a sheet against his bones. He felt his blood turning to ice, but the moment he was outside of the boundaries, he suddenly felt a warmth. He almost... _almost_ smiled. The meeting would be inside today.

"Ssseveruss!" he heard a familiar voice hiss, and Severus looked up. He was one of the few who ever met Voldemort's eyes. Perhaps it was because he was so respected, or because he was one of the only few who would put up with the fear that overtakes a person when they meet those inhuman features.

"My lord." he said, bowing his head slightly. He saw the others, and today there were no masks. It made things a bit less disturbing, at any rate.

"Come, sssit." The Dark Lord commanded, motioning to a chair right by where he was standing. Severus always sat close to Voldemort, but he couldn't help but notice his seat was much nicer than those the others had. He sat, not making a mention of his better accommodations. "We have much to dissscusss."

Of course, that was an exaggeration. If truth be told not much discussion was taking place at all, just a speech on how they were right. At one point Severus heard his name mentioned. Once the actual planning was taking place, Severus tried to seem just as bored as usual, while listening to every last word to give the information to Dumbledore. Once the meeting was over, once again Voldemort made him stay.

"Ssseveruss... And you as well, Luciusss." He said, and for a moment the potions-master wondered why Voldemort always attempted to say their names so often when he obviously couldn't do it well. The Dark Lord made eye contact with Severus while Lucius walked closer. "I've been hearing about you. You haven't been eating well."

Severus tilted his head and crossed his arms.

"I eat in my rooms." he said quietly, wondering if Draco had volunteered the information or if Lucius had. He cast an angry look at his friend for good measure. Lucius didn't respond to it.

"That won't do." Voldemort said, waving his arms. "You need to have others _sseeee_ you eat."

Severus raised his eyebrows and Voldemort shook his head.

"You will be... _exxpanding _over the nexxt few monthss." he said, and Severus knew that if a snake could smile, he was seeing it now. "And if you do not have a _reassson_, others will become ssusspiciousss."

"I can hide the pregnancy with a glamor, if need be." Severus said, leaning back. "Gaining weight is unnecessary."

"Any child with a wand can dissspell a glamor!" Voldemort snapped, jumping up and grabbing the back of Snape's head. It made the man cringe. "No, Sseveruss. You mussst do thisss for me."

Severus bit his tongue, wanting to spit at the man. Voldemort seemed to have read his mind, even though that was impossible. The elder Malfoy had his arms behind his back, looking intrigued at best. The Dark Lord had always been more physical with Sev, and he punished everyone for talking back.

"Yesss, I know you are proud of your body, pet. Sssso thin, ssso perfect. But you'll do thisss for me, you musst." he said, and Severus tensed. "It'sss an order. Eat, eat more than you would have in your life. You must look _natural..._ for at leassst the firsst monthsss. Your diet could hurt _my_ child, afterall..."

Voldemort leaned in, his grip still firm on the back of Severus' head. Tears were actually springing to his eyes involuntarily thanks to the pain. Finally, he nodded and was released.

"Good child." Voldemort said, still with that small, lipless grin. "Who knowsss? Perhapesss you'll enjoy it. Luciusss, make sure your ssson hearsss the newsss. He must watch and make sssure the promiss isss adhered to."

Lucius nodded, and watched as Severus lowered his head, hair falling down to cover his face. He knew that he could never enjoy this order. Already, he felt like vomiting. Moments later, Voldemort was gone and Lucius was at his side, checking to make sure his friend was alright. Barely eating, constantly being punished, he knew that Severus was weak.

"Are you alright, my friend?" he asked in a whisper, as if Voldemort were somehow still listening. Severus shook his head angrily. "I'm sorry... This is too demanding..."

"Don't think I don't know what you're truly sorry about." Severus replied bitterly, turning away from Lucius. The blond sighed and shook his head.

"I'm not... You can lose the weight, after the child is born." he said uselessly, but Severus caught the blue eyes scanning his robes.

"You weren't about to have me anytime soon anyway." he snapped at his friend. "Stop looking so pathetic."

Lucius lowered his head and sighed.

"Fine. My first question was unwarranted. You obviously are not alright." he sighed, used to Severus' outbursts when he was truly upset. "Will you _be _alright?"

Severus sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know. I'm tired." he said quietly, and then turned away. "I can't stay out any later. Goodnight."

He was gone in a moment, and Lucius was left alone.

* * *

When he arrived back at the castle, Severus leaned up against the nearest tree he apperiated by, almost falling down. His eyes were still blurry from his hair being nearly ripped out of his skull, and even though he would refuse to admit it, one or two of the tears lingering on his eyelids were probably not from any physical pain. Severus had spent his entire life trying to keep this one thing about himself bearable. He knew his face was all wrong, his hair was greasy, and his demeanor was probably the worst of it; but with his body, he made up for it. He was thin, and whenever someone laid him down, they knew that they would appreciate that, at the very least. If he threw that away, what would he have left?  
He managed to finally push himself away from the strong tree, wiping his moist eyes and convincing himself it was just a knee-jerk reaction to the pain on the back of his head. So much for his migraine potion working, his head already hurt twice as much than it had in the first place. He should probably have considered himself lucky that no Forbidden Curses had been used. Half-staggering, he started back to Hogwarts, wanting to just lie down before his classes the next day and pray that his head would stop pounding by morning. However, the second he had made it to the door, Minerva was waiting for him.

"Severus! Thank goodness. You're later than usual. And your robes..." She said, still remaining proper even while brushing his shoulders. Severus pulled away sharply, reminding the woman that he did not like to be touched. "My apologies. Dumbledore sent me to ask you to come to his office before anything else."

Severus rolled his eyes and shot a bitter look at the other instructor. He knew he shouldn't have, because it wasn't her fault. The Headmaster seemed to never actually need sleep, so why should he care if others did?

"Right." he finally said, shaking his head. "Thank you, Minerva. I'll go now."

He turned sharply to the left and watched from the corner of his eye as Minerva turned and went in the other direction. He almost let out a sigh and than started up the stairs. With each step, he felt the promise of a warm bed move further and further away. Once he made it to Dumbledore's office, he chose a random muggle treat he'd heard about. Butterscotch, thankfully, was the right answer.

Another damn flight of stairs before Severus finally saw Dumbledore's smiling face. Of course he was smiling, Severus thought angrily, he didn't just receive the worse news of _his _life. Severus was so busy glaring at The Headmaster, it took him several moments to even realize the young blond boy who was sitting in the chair between the two adults. It wasn't until Dumbledore nodded at Draco that Severus looked at him, and saw how pale the boy seemed.

"Draco?" he asked quietly, and then knelt down. He wouldn't kneel for many children, but Draco was an exception. "Draco, are you alright?"

Draco gulped, and then nodded.

"Y-you never told me..." the young Malfoy whispered in a hurt voice. It seemed raspy, as if the boy had been holding back tears once more.

"I know. I'm... sorry. I couldn't tell you." Severus said, standing back up. He looked up at Dumbledore expectantly. "What is going on?"

The Headmaster moved across the room and sat down across the desk, motioning that Snape should sit next to Draco. Under any other circumstance, he probably would have stayed standing, but his legs felt suddenly weak and he consented. He collapsed into the chair, his eyes still on Draco. He noticed the boys hands were shaking, but Dumbledore's voice made his eyes dart up to the man.

"Draco came to me tonight. He confessed to becoming a Death Eater." the older man said, his voice purposefully slow. Severus nodded softly, and held back the erg to actually comfort Draco by taking his hand. "He... came for you, Severus."

The potions-master turned his head back to Draco, who nodded softly.

"I... I p-promised to keep you safe. I _promised_." he said, and Severus bit his tongue to keep from snapping at the child that the blood bond he made was unnecessary and idiotic. "His child will kill you... Or it would have if..."

"You told him?" Severus asked knowingly, and Dumbledore nodded.

"You've been... for years you've been..." Draco whispered and gulped. Severus nodded and noticed Draco was trying to look him in the eyes. Severus avoided the clear blue orbs expertly.

"A spy, for the side of good." Dumbledore said. Draco let out a half-empty laugh, and Severus could understand. Draco was in the same position he had always been. If both sides treat you badly, which is the good? "And now, Draco has volunteered to do the same."

Severus was on his feet again in seconds. He was tired, his legs very nearly gave out beneath him, but he forced himself to stand. He glared down at Dumbledore and shook his head.

"No." he said sternly. The headmaster looked up at him over his moon-shaped spectacles and then to Draco.

"It was Mr. Malfoy's decision." he said quietly. Severus gazed sternly at Dumbledore.

"Draco is a child! You will _not_ put him in that much danger!" Severus said, as loudly as he could. Draco, who had been sitting in his chair; quiet and pale, shook his head and looked up at his professor.

"I'm not a child." He said, his voice oddly calm and stern.

"You are barely eighteen." Severus snapped, glancing over at the blond for barely a second. "A child, who should have never been dragged into this in the first place. Albus..."

Dumbledore looked up, not used to hearing Severus say his name. Usually, he was 'Headmaster', 'sir', or 'professor', almost never 'Albus'.

"You can not allow this. Give him sanctum here, let him live at least one year of his life without being a part of this." the dark-haired professor said quietly. Draco bit his lip and just shook his head again.

"I can do it! I know some things that you don't..." the boy said, looking at the ground with sad eyes. "My father tells me things, and... The other kids. I can get information you wouldn't find by yourself."

Severus turned, looking over at the sad, thin boy. He gulped and shook his head. Dumbledore stood as well, though much more calmly than Severus had.

"I'm sorry, Severus, but we need as much information as we can acquire. And Draco would not be in as much danger as you, he is not expected to know anything of the Order." he said quietly, and Severus' wrists clenched tightly. "He may be helpful, and he's willing."

"I won't sit quietly while you feed an innocent child to the wolves!" Severus practically growled. His tired body nearly fell, and Draco must have noticed because Snape felt a hand on his arm and when he looked over he saw the young boy looking up worriedly. Severus shrugged off the hand angrily.

"Severus..." Dumbledore sighed, lowering his eyes. "Draco and I have been speaking for many hours now. He knows the danger that comes with this chance, and he is willing. The decision is made."

Severus bit his tongue, glaring angrilly at Dumbledore.

"Yes. The decision is always made. One wonders why you even call me up to you in the middle of the night." he said, the bitterness in his voice practically solid matter. The headmaster must have felt it as well, because he took a step back.

"It is quite late, isn't it?" the older man asked with a smile. "We can discuss this further in the morning. For now, if you could see Draco back to his room...?"

Severus sighed and nodded, his frustration bubbling in his soul. He and Draco left the room in complete silence, which they held until the were able to reach the side of the dungeons where the Slythrin dorms were kept.

"Professor... I'm sorry." Draco finally whispered and Severus looked down at him.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Things worked out well for me, you're the one who has put yourself in much more danger." he said, looking over at the guard of the Slythrin rooms, a statue this year, one of a partially nude, very evil-looking woman. "_Notcurn Avanti._"

The statue moved aside and Draco looked in.

"I needed to make sure you stayed safe. The Dark Lord... He doesn't care about you, he is sure you'll die when his child, well, I guess that _things_ child is born." Draco said, saying 'thing' like he were spitting out dirt. The potions-master smiled bitterly.

"Don't speak of such things in the halls. Go to sleep. We _will_ speak in the morning." Severus said hauntingly. Draco nodded and went through the door, looking tired and small. Severus watched until the passage was closed, before turning to walk into his bedchambers. He had little trouble getting to sleep, his body worn and hurting, even his personal problems did little to stir him.

* * *

**Hey guys. I'm really sorry, I actually finished the chapter nearly a year ago, but... I kept waiting for the person who said they would beta-read it for me to... well, beta-read it. She never did and it got to a point where I forgot I ever wrote it in the first place. I found it in my sent box a few weeks ago, which is actually REALLY great because my computer has died. So anyway... Sorry for the lateness. I really was hoping to keep up on this more since last time.**


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